Day 2,860 —More Good News— with my PICTURE a BUTTERFLY #644

It was cold and raining, and I felt like I could be sick. I was looking at an impossible day at work, actively rearranging some meetings in my head. I tried to stay present but when I did, I realized that this is in my own words the worst weather that I deal with: not cold enough to be ice or snow, but cold enough to be uncomfortable and make me feel constantly wet.

Yet, I got the call this morning that school has been cancelled?!  

Yesterday and the day before and all this week really, have just seemed impossible for me to get through, and I know I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to perform at a certain level. 

  Some of the time, everything I do each day seems impossible. I wonder, how can I present this in a way that benefits everyone? How do I provide support without compromising clarity and expectations? How do I reach and value the individual and not just their performance as a teacher?   

Others give me the impression that I have high expectations. I don’t think about expectations for myself that much. I think about the now and what I want to do today that I could look back fondly on tomorrow.  

It is easier to make other people happy most of the time than to make yourself happy but that leads to an eventual loss of self. 

In many ways a good portion of my life has been devoted to escaping from myself. And I get it. I am kind of a crazy person sometimes, so I wanted to be someone else, but that turns out to be the wrong way to deal with things. 

And it is funny, now most people would never ever make me feel uncomfortable for being a weirdo; however, when someone does it just makes me laugh. 

It happened one-time last year in a conversation with a guy in a class I was taking last year. I was talking about Shakespeare and British comedy and how much I love Upstart Crow. And he was like, “British comedy!? Nerd alert! Yeah, I don’t know any British tv shows.” 

And just the way he said, “British,” it was like he was disgusted with the concept of watching television from another country!? 

I thought how one it just seemed absurd that this seemed so odd to this person, and two how much I felt no need to defend myself. 

I have my degree in English. I taught High School English for 8 years and am taking graduate classes in English for fun. It should come to no shock to anyone that I am a nerd. Why would you think I would feel bad about that?