Day 3,317 —Showing Up—

    Man, I guess May is a tough month for me, no matter what is going on. Last year, I remembered being so miserable during this race and this year the same theme was running through the course of the day. I am not saying I didn’t have a good time. I always have a good time when I am running and there were a lot more ups than there were downs, yet the downs were catastrophic lower than they have in the past. By mile 20 I wanted to quit. I was actually considering stopping after the first loop. 

My stomach was bothering me and I was off my hydration game. I started smart drinking a powder I have used before and some water, but in my hurry, during the last aid station, I didn’t get enough water and ended up depleted and very hungry. I ate almost nothing during the first marathon, not that odd for me, but I had brought blocks and stuff to eat, and I didn’t. There are no excuses, I was too focused on running and feeling good. 

    I hadn’t noticed that my finger was bleeding until after the fact, but I had so many falls I lost count. Maybe, training on trails does make a difference? I was making beginner mistakes by looking ahead instead of looking down. But what did I expect? I have been on very little sleep for the past five weeks since my son was born, and I haven’t put the miles in leading up to this race. 

I am also not as competitive in these shorter trail races. Part of me is okay with knowing that the longer 100-mile race is something I am better at, but part of me too thinks I need to get it together and crush a race like this. Possibly that’s what had me pushing it the first marathon, doing it under five hours, but I paid for it because I had to sit for a few minutes and walk more than I wanted to. 

    There was a great moment when I was low because what I was drinking was making me feel sick. I changed the hydration powder, and it didn’t agree with me, so while feeling dehydrated I also felt like I couldn’t drink what I was carrying. This guy was running past me going so much faster than me approaching, and he looked at me and asked if I was all right. I was real with him and talked about my stomach problems, and he gave me all his water. I was shocked by his generosity, he made it so much easier for me to keep going. My stomach was feeling better and I could keep moving. 

Another moment like that was after the first half, and Phil sat with me and got me everything I needed food and drink wise while I sat trying to recover. I ended up bleeding on him some, so I feel bad for that, but he didn’t make a big deal about it. Did I mention my finger was still bleeding? 

At mile 35 or something, I finally asked someone to look at my finger because it had never stopped bleeding, and it looked like a mass of blood and dirt caked together. I didn’t want to think about it, but it was getting worse because I kept falling. 

    One of the people at the aid station was a doctor, and they were awesome fixing me up. They cleaned it with Iodine and washed it with some water. We didn’t get all the dirt off, but they covered it well enough for it to not fall off, and it was a huge moral boost for me. They joked with me and said, “Now you won’t fall again.” I laughed, knowing that it wasn’t a question of if I will fall again but how many times.

    When I was at the end I was miserable, but I kept moving and attempting to turn off the part of me that was screaming to me for to quit, for this to be over. I decided I was looking at my watch too much, so I made a system. I would only allow myself to look at my distance once every mile. If I broke this rule, I would have to wait a full mile to look again. My watch beeped every mile, so I shouldn’t have to look at all, but all these stupid reasons my mind gave me to look. Like, do I need to check the course?       Maybe I went the wrong way? I never went the wrong way, but I did periodically check on my watch. 

When I made it to the end, Andrew from the start congratulated me. We have ended up doing a bunch of the same races over the past year, and he had a great race today, finishing 5th. We did the Minnie Ha Ha together last year, and it sounds like he has been killing it since then. I remember him from last year having to walk with a stick several miles after being injured. 

    My dad was there and recorded the start and the finish! It was so nice having him there to give me a ride. I hate driving so much after a race. It isn’t a long drive but my leg doesn’t want to bend like that.