Day 3,852 —I just live Here—

 

I woke up at 2 a.m. checked my phone and then rolled over to see my 18-month year old sitting up in bed. When he saw me looking at him, he playfully attacked me and I rolled, so I could hold him with my left arm. It didn’t take long for him to go back to sleep.

After seeing initial results start to come in last night, it made this possibility this morning seem very likely. At 10 p.m., I told my wife I was going to bed, no point losing sleep over this and torturing myself by watching the news.

I spent most of the morning trying to figure out how to be positive, and I reminded myself that we are living in an exciting time to be alive. I don’t know what the future holds, but it is going to be interesting. Also, we just live here. I am trying not to judge or blame anyone, and mainly trying not to blame myself. Sure we are all part of a society that represents certain values, but we are also individuals each trying to do what is best for ourselves and our families.

My son smiled and hugged me when I got home from my run. It makes him happy just to see me. I can feel him smile when I hold him. There are always a lot of wrong things that I can get pretty upset thinking about, but I still have the important things my wife and two children are healthy, and we are happy and love each other.

Yesterday, my daughter wrote “I (picture of a heart) you Dada,” on an envelope, and then inside the envelope she put a picture of the two of us and drew a heart around us.

I held my wife this morning after I gently woke her and told her the results. I said some of the things I wrote about here and was surprised how calm I was, but maybe I shouldn’t be. I am often at my most focused during a crisis.