Day 4,154—I am glad I found you (running)—

 

       I was eleven, and I was getting a ride home from church. I don’t remember why exactly my parents weren’t taking me, but it wasn’t rare for them to take me places and just expect me to figure out how to get home. They were busy! They had things to do! I never asked with what. Everyone else was talking excitedly about plans they had, and I suddenly couldn’t sit in the car listening to them anymore, so I asked them to let me out. I was a mile from my home so I could walk.  

       I didn’t start running until a few years later, but I cannot remember a time when I didn’t go on long walks by myself or bike rides. The air was cool, and I could see the stars outlining the different constellations. I felt so confined in that car, but it was mostly listening to the other kids endlessly talking about nothing that I wanted to escape from.        I know they didn’t mean anything, but when people who spend a lot of time with you don’t make an effort to get to know you, I would rather be alone. Not truly alone. I have never been really alone because I have always had running and walking, which is what I was thinking about this morning.

        This morning, I started out annoyed with how early I get up, yet I am still behind on all the things I wanted to do. I thought about work and school, and I was frustrated with how invisible I felt. I recalled how long I had been feeling this way, and I remembered exiting that car ride to go on a walk by myself. When I got home, no one asked me how I got there, and I remember thinking that I wished that my walk had taken longer. I wished I had never gotten in that car in the first place.