Day 3,561 —Figuring out what to Work on—

 Feelings slightly better after getting some sleep last night. Today really reminded me of last week with the cold wind and the snow still blowing around as I ran. It seemed like a long mile but I knew in retrospect I would feel like I could have done more. Yet, my wife was so sick this morning that she was lying on the ground, so I needed to get back home quickly.

        I was thinking about how in both of these cases (the Mamba and the Shippey), I was confronted by a difficulty I had not experienced before, and it was clear in both of those races I was going to finish over 24 hours. I don’t know if I am just unconsciously thinking “I got to beat my previous times for this to be okay!” or maybe I just don’t know how to deal with taking a nap in the middle of the race and then get up and finish type of mentality.

        I do prefer to run the whole time and not be thwarted by snow, heat, rain, or sickness but these were great learning opportunities and they have given me time to reflect on how I have let my perfectionism in this way become a negative influence. I am trying not to blame myself but to learn from what this race has made me think about. I need to work on being okay and keep going even when it doesn’t look like things are going to work out the way I had hoped.

 

I guess what people say is that you need to be able to celebrate the process. I am trying.