Day 3,355 —I Can’t Save . . . —

I ran with my vest today to try to get more used to running with it. I put two empty water bottles in the front of my vest to try to get more used to running with it. I don’t know what my plan ultimately will be, but I think I have enough data at this point to conclude that I cannot run with only one 20-ounce water bottle on Shawnee Hill. 

    Last year, I used my vest with two water bottles, but I still ended up carrying one of them for most of the run. I don’t want to carry anything any longer during trail runs. I need my hands to balance; I am tired of falling.  

    I was thinking about why I got into teaching and am now focusing on counseling, and I realized how much responsibility I have always felt to help the people around me. Not the people I don’t know, but thinking about the struggles of those I come into contact with on a regular basis. I am sure a lot of people feel like this. I have to accept that I cannot save everyone, and the people I would like to save the most, i.e., my family, I am the least likely to be able to save. I am not going to give up on anyone, but they’re not my responsibility to save as much as it pains me to say that. I will always be there to help, but I have to stop taking their choices personally.