Day 3,827 —the Farmdale Trail Race: the Complete Edition—

The drive down went by quickly, and we went to pick up the bib around 5 p.m. We got the tent set up and then headed out to find some food. I couldn’t find any places that seemed decent, so I figured why not just go to the grocery store? I also didn’t feel like I had enough food for tomorrow, so I figured this was a good plan.

         I ended up buying more stuff than I needed and started looking for a frozen vegan meal that I had before. I ended up buying two of the impossible meals, but I remember getting a bad feeling about the broccoli and beef imitation one, so I bought two and just had a few bites of that broccoli one because it tasted off.

         I woke up feeling okay, but my rope was damp, so I was confused as to why I would be sweating so much.

The start of the race

         It was nice because I was able to fully get ready at the Farmdale, so we got there with plenty of time before the start and I had time to use the bathroom and put on Vaseline. I was a little annoyed that I had already used the bathroom 3 times this morning. I didn’t know why, but I figured maybe I was nervous? I don’t know.

The first lap, 0–10 miles

         It was in the dark the whole time, and there was a woman who started the group that was yelling and screaming at that 5 a.m. start. I was still ready to sleep and ran ahead of the group and had a pleasant and really fun first 10 miles. By the time we made the aid station around 6 a.m., I was talking to a guy named Dave who was running his first one. He was nice and good to talk to.

         We finished the first lap a little under 2 hours, and we were in first place.

When I made it to the aid station, I saw the guy who I had run the start of the Shawnee Hill with. He remembered me and said “Hi,” he was working at the aid station. He commented on how much I was sweating, but he wasn’t the first. Multiple people had commented on how wet I looked, and I didn’t think too much about it at the time. I knew I was sweating more than usual, but I always sweat a lot.

         I was annoyed that the aid station only had Tailwind as the hydration drink. It is not like I have anything personal against any drink, but it is beyond frustrating that the main hydration that is offered at some races is the kind that makes me feel sick.

I was still annoyed that the kind of hydration I had been using “The Right Stuff” was supposed to arrive at my house on Thursday but never came. Also, my daughter’s present never came, so multiple reasons to be annoyed, but I was still trying to be optimistic. The temperature was in the 60s, and there were plenty of regular stops, and the course was the easiest trail I had ever attempted.

The second lap, 10–20 miles

         I took a longer break than I had meant to, but I was trying to be smart. I knew I was losing a lot of water and wanted to make a real effort to slow down, so I did that lap. I went slower and let people pass me and focused on staying hydrated and drinking water, but I still kept sweating profusely. The sweat was in my eyes stingy, and I forgot to put my visor on after the first lap, so I was just trying to focus on running and staying present, but it was hard when I was starting to freak out about what my body was doing to me.

         I ended up talking to this guy who said, “I am going to have movie quotes for you the whole time.”

         I was running past but when he said that I started a conversation with them, “Now I am curious about the movie quotes!”

         I told the guy who I think his name was, Hunter. I asked him his favorite movies, and it took him a minute, but he told me he liked the Lord of the Rings movies and his buddy kept making other suggestions. They were the kind of friends that I liked because they seemed so different from each other, and they complimented each other. One was a cop, the other an EMT driver, both put me in a better mood talking about movies and later on the likelihood we would give CPR on someone. Part of me thought about what a trio of public servants the three of us made, a teacher, an ambulance driver, and a cop. What problems could we not solve together? They're probably a little more useful than me in the wilderness. 

         Listening to myself talk, I realized how unmotivated I was becoming for this race. I didn’t have a time I wanted to finish in. I wasn’t even thinking too much about a long-term game plan, but I was still confident I was going to finish and hoping this issue with me sweating would go away soon.

Now, I was dealing with my left shoot falling off because of the hole by my big toe. I figured I would fix it at the aid station.  

What happened at the aid station

         My dad (the crew) was commenting on my shirts being so wet, he was ringing them out and hanging them up between laps. I tried to see if he could help me fix my shoe, but after searching for some tape that would work, I quickly gave up and changed into my road shows instead.

 The third lap, 20–30 miles

         At least I wasn’t tripping now and when I started going I felt okay, but I knew I wasn’t getting any better, just maintaining. I hadn’t peed the entire run so far, and the only food I had was some chips.

         I did have a decent amount of coconut water during each aid station stop, but it wasn’t enough, I still wasn’t feeling better. I wasn’t throwing up, so that was a good sign, but I was starting to feel the need to cough and dry heave some, so that is never a good sign. Still, I had plenty of energy and my legs and body felt fine it was just my stomach and dehydration issues bothering me, but I wasn’t even sore yet, and my heart rate wasn’t moving past zone 1.

         I remember doing the marathon update and feeling that I would be okay and that I had plenty of time to recover. I was still moving relatively fast and hadn’t completely shut down and started walking, but I was getting close. I suddenly had to use the bathroom, which was frustrating because there was not a lot in my stomach, but I ended up stopping at the end of this loop and the next two.

The fourth lap, 30–40 miles

         I couldn’t believe how late it was and how little I had gone. I was starting to get frustrated with my body because I thought I was putting in the work by slowing down and being patient, but I still wasn’t getting hydrated and just continued to sweat. I ran into a guy at the top of the aid station who was more miserable than me, but he probably finished. He was telling me he didn’t train hills like this and as much as I wanted to sympathize I responded with. There are only two real hills on this trail, but I guess when you have such a short loop you see those two hills 10 times, so maybe a little more significant than they might be in a different course.

         Still, this wasn’t over yet, but I was just getting to the point where I was so sad and upset that my body was failing me, and I was getting frustrated to continue to look for solutions.

I walked a huge chunk of this lap, but once I got to the end I ran into this guy with two kids my age, and we started talking about being a parent and running and how difficult it was. Before I knew it, I was distracted and running again, feeling better for the first time. Perhaps I would be okay after all?

Part Two

The Fifth lap, 40–50 miles

I didn’t wait that long to start running again between these loops because I thought I had finally started feeling a little better. I almost had some caffeine, but I figured having that on my empty stomach, which already felt bad, was not a good idea, and I was getting so tired.

I had to slow down and walk now, dealing with my stomach bothering me so much that I felt like I needed to use the bathroom the whole time and still stopping to dry heave on occasion. But I hadn’t been sick yet, so that was positive.

I walked this entire lap almost, running when I could, but it took me 4 hours to go for 10 miles, so between 2–3 miles per hour. My moving time was a little faster, but when you include stoppage time for aid stations, I took 4 hours to finish the fifth lap, and it was miserable.

The first thing my dad said to me when I got back was that he was wondering if I had finished two laps because I took so long, which didn’t make me feel better about it. Just realized how much I had been slowing down because I was trying not to even look at my watch at this point.

I heard this guy who was a lawyer talking so loudly running up behind me when I was about to the 5.8 mile aid station between the loops. It is on the top of a hill, so it is a bit of a walk, and I was moving steady but slow. This guy was loud and telling a story that sounded like something you might hear in an AA meeting. I wondered if maybe he was a sponsor because he didn’t seem like an ultra-runner.

When he got to the aid station, the lawyer pacer looked at the subway and said “Protein?” and ate one of the subway sandwiches that were there. I gave him a look because I couldn’t believe a pacer would take that kind of food from the racers. The aid workers heated a plain tortilla for me to eat, and it was okay, but I didn’t have more than a mouthful.

When I saw him walking to his car as I finished this lap, he gave me a first bump and said something encouraging like “Good job.” I gave him a dirty look, he probably was wondering what he did to offend me, and I cannot say that it was any more egregious than a lot of things people have done. It sounded like he was trying to do something nice for someone by pacing, but I couldn’t see anything positive about this guy at this moment, but I was still trying.

Mile 50 Stop

I was miserable and went to the aid worker and said, “Anything without meat or cheese?”

It always takes me a while to build up the courage to start telling the aid workers I don’t want meat or cheese because I always get some looks, “What, no meat or cheese?!” Or, I get some guys who think eating meat makes them manly who say things, but I look right back at them, and say, “Yeah, I don’t eat eggs, or honey either.” Daring, them to say something negative, but they usually settle for more subtle digs. But, this woman, not thrown at all, showed me where a bean burrito was I could eat, so went to sit down and took a bite. It was okay, but I couldn’t eat anymore and just sat there for 20 minutes having drinks but not feeling much of a change.

My dad got me some Liquid IV to try as my hydration option, but it was so sweet I could not drink it at all. All the same, it was awesome of my dad to get it, but I was past the point where most things would have any effect.

Mile 50-60

It didn’t help that my watch was telling me I was a few miles farther than I thought I was. Maybe just walking back and forth or sometimes. I see it tick along slowly when I am hanging out at an aid station, so I did not trust those added miles. If anything, they made it a lot more difficult to keep track of how far to the next aid station.

Yet, I was wearing my headlamp now, and off I went for another 10 miles. It wasn’t long before I was walking slow and feeling like as soon as I tried to run, I would start to sweat. This felt insane to me because my heart rate was in the 90s and I didn’t feel tired physically, just sleepy and sick, so I continued to walk. I averaged around 20-minute miles during this 10-mile loop, which means it took me almost 4 hours to complete 10 miles.  

I remembered I had met two women doing the 30-mile run at the end of the last lap. They had told me excitedly that they had signed up for the Shawnee Hill recently to do the 50K. I excitedly told them about my experience on that run for the next half mile or so. It seems so far off to me to start thinking about that run again, but everybody trains differently. I still have to figure out my calendar for next year.

As I slowly started to get closer to the end of lap 6, I got sick 3 to 5 times, trying to resist the strong desire to lay down on the ground and close my eyes.

I kept walking and walking until I finally made it back to the start, but not without having to stop again multiple times on the way. I tried to drag myself one step at a time towards the start/finish.

I ignored the aid station. I still had water left, but I didn’t want to drink it. I noticed that all the water was yellow when I poured some out in a cup, which made me wonder if the water was bothering me too.

I went towards where my dad was, and I told him I needed to just lie down for a while. He was still supportive but knew what I had been dealing with. I was asleep for an hour and at that point, I still wasn’t thirsty. I kept thinking about the time after the Go St. Louis and how long it took me to get hydrated again after what happened. I had two IVs but still felt sick. I still felt sick when I got home. I couldn’t drink water until hours later. The only thing that helped was time. I figured I could probably do some more. It also seemed like a good idea to focus on recovering and come back to fight again on a different day.

So, my dad and I went to the car and drove to the Marriott in East Peoria. If my dad wasn’t there, I don’t know if I would have had the courage to say the words, “I am quitting.”

Part 3: What I Did and Didn’t Do

What I Should-of Could-of Would-of, if I could do this again, but I can’t.  

1. Keep more of my preferred hydration solution (The Right Stuff).

I have so much hydration stuff at my house that I usually just grab whatever I have on hand, but for this race that didn’t work out. I didn’t have any of the stuff I have been using more recently. I could have taken the caffeine Roctane that I have, and I probably should have now that I think about it.

2. Bring drinking water.

You would think one thing you could count on from the people putting on the race is some decent water, but that has not always been the case. I don’t know if this water made me sick, but it was yellow when I poured it into a cup. I wasn’t surprised. The water at the hotel was yellow too.

3. Bring food (or plan) for the night before.

I ate this impossible meal, which I have had before, but not recently, but these looked off, and I should have trusted my instincts and gotten something else, but I didn’t. I have never had this happen before where literally nothing in the vicinity sounds like anything I would want to eat. The closest thing on the HappyCow App was almost a 30-minute drive, and it was only a place that had at least one vegan meal, but there is plenty of stuff here I could have bought and brought down, or even stuff to make for the night before next time.

4. Always have a goal.

I needed to relearn this lesson, but I didn’t have a goal, and it made me feel so apathetic about the whole experience when I was struggling. I was trying to talk myself into a goal of having 8 buckles, which I still want, but what’s the difference between 7 and 8 really? Maybe a time goal makes more sense for me in the future. I will be on the course for 24 hours no matter what, and I am serious this will be my next goal.

5. All Supplies should be Organized and Labeled.

I thought it was nice to not have to have a bunch of drop bags to make, but what I needed to do was label all my clothes and supplies, so I didn’t spend so much time at the aid station wondering what I was supposed to do.

What I Did

1. I ran 60 Plus miles, which still manages to complete my year of Ultras Seasons Edition. I completed two 100Ks in Winter and Fall, and two 100-mile races in Spring and Summer. Next year I would like to do a 100-mile run in each season, but I also want to attempt a 200-mile run in April, but I need to figure out this short loop format. I also did a 50-mile run and two 50 K-plus runs this year, but is that all?

2. I slowed down.

It wasn’t easy to do 60 miles in zone 1. Most of the time my heart rate was around 100, so it was a struggle to have to slow down every time noticed that I was again starting to sweat profusely because I had broken into a jog by mistake.

3. I took a nap when I was dehydrated.

When I was extremely dehydrated at the Go St. Louis, the only thing that helped me was time, and I remembered that and didn’t even try to drink anything. I just took a nap, and then I was able to eat something. However, by then I may mentally have given up. Part of me was just thinking. How is it possible to even complete 100 miles with all the time I have lost, I cannot think like that. I need to focus more on getting through the tough parts and not the parts I haven’t gotten to yet.

4. We didn’t drive home.

Only the time that a deer hit the car and we both were scared and had to get a ride home, this time it wasn’t so bad getting a good night's sleep and feeling rested when I got home on Sunday.

5. Stopped when there was still time to recover.

I have stuff to do, and that stuff includes running each morning, being out on my feet a big part of the day, and playing with my kids, so I don’t like coming home and being miserable.