Day 3,826 —Countdown to the Farmdale 100: Last Run—

 

My five-year-old daughter woke up despondent. She was so sad she could barely speak. She sat in a collapsed state on a blanket on the ground. I asked her what was wrong, and she just looked at me blankly. I offered some other things she could be mad about “Does your head still hurt?” She doesn’t respond “Are you sad that I am going to be gone tomorrow?” She looks at me and then looks down.

“I am sad you are going to be gone tomorrow.”

I was tempted to call the whole run-off and stay home, or maybe just not go to work today and stay home with her. Perhaps she could help me pack, but I remembered today was picture day at school, so I offered to read her a book.

          After reading a couple of stories to her, I told her I bought her a present for the weekend and showed her a picture of it on my phone. I tried to rationalize with her explaining that I am only gone once every other month at the most, and the last time I was gone she had a great day with her mom. She told me she didn’t remember.

          Is there anyone who can make you feel worse about yourself than your children? My wife said she was singing in the car and is fine now, but I spent my drive thinking about how intensely sad a five-year-old can be. Right now, all I can think about is all the ways I am going to disappoint her as she gets older. I got to try to make the best of reading books and playing with her when she still wanted me to.