Day 3,897 —All The Miles Combined—

 

Sure, it was another cold day, and it took me a lifetime to get ready, but I was out at a decent time. I wished I had eaten more last night and drank more water because I was tired. I had to stop and walk up some hills and everything.

I made it all the way to Whitecliff Park and did the trail there. Even though the trail is not that long (2 miles), it has so many alternative routes and turns that it did make me smile, looking around and seeing nothing but trees surrounding me. It is not Lone Elk, but it is close, and it is just the added time on the run to drive there that I didn’t want to go there this morning.

I saw this week that the SLUGS were going to be up there for a group run, and I thought about the idea of meeting people to go on a group run. It seems so foreign to me; I cannot understand it at all. When I see groups of people sometimes I think, I want to run with them! Wouldn’t it be grand to run with other people? Or maybe have a couple of people to run with like I used to.

But here we go again, there is an opportunity to do it and I cannot be bothered and that’s always how it has been for me, as much as I want other people in my life and to do things with them when the moment comes to act, most of the time I decided I would rather do something I am more familiar with.

I think I finally figured out why I can struggle on breaks at times. It is because I feel pressure to be “having a good time” during the holiday season, and it is not that I am not having an okay time, but when I feel like I have to, it suddenly becomes work and I cannot do it, and I feel like something is wrong with me that I cannot because it seems like everyone else is doing fine. I know that’s not always the case, but sometimes it is reassuring to hear about how miserable everyone is doing. I hope everyone is doing well all the time, but when it is about how you feel about things that everyone is experiencing it is different.