Day 3,995 —Skeptical but that’s normal—

 I haven’t had any type of surgery as an adult, so thinking about it this morning was both stressful and exciting. 

I guess exciting might be the wrong word, but I try to think of the positive involved in any situation. When I was younger I tried to store away every experience I had and catalog them, so I might use them for a story in the future. Thinking of myself as a character in a story always made it easier to create distance from my inner monologue, but at the same time convince myself to embrace the reality of a situation. 

Now, when I think of those times when I disconnect, it isn’t me going through them in mind but more how I would describe the experience in a book. 

I am now writing this one hand on my phone after the nurses just prepared me. I have an hour still before the surgery is scheduled. 

I am mainly worried about tomorrow. Will I be able to run tomorrow? After that, I don’t know what worries me most. Just the usual things I guess. Will this surgery make things better, will they stay the same, or get worse? 

There is only way to find out.